Third :: Overcoming Self-Criticism

// Filed in: Across the Learning Spectrum

Finally, we have heard, over and over from parents with kids with learning disabilities, that their children can be very negative and critical towards themselves. Many described it as self-hate. Their kids knew that they had problems, that they sometimes didn’t fit in, they knew that they had disabilities, they knew they had limitations. They feel bad about themselves, and their schoolwork and some curriculums just reinforced that feeling that they are broken and they don’t have the ability to do these things.

This is why self-pacing can be so helpful. And why we want to provide material that is presented in steps that can be taken, in their own time, and without fear of judgment. One mom described their days to Chris: “so many things in our lives are just rush rush rush, it’s so rare and so valuable to be able to open up a book and just go through it slowly, for as long as he is able, and to close it at any time. The net effect of this is that it reassures us that this is not going to be one more thing that my son is going to have to feel bad about as well. It’s depressing when I can’t get my kid to do his work because I’ve had a late night with him, or any of the other things that happen in our day to day life. Chris, you have to understand that they are going through meltdowns all day long and that the thing that you’ve created isn’t overwhelming. It doesn’t have sensory overload - colored pictures, graphs and charts - all the other grammar books have lists, memorize these rules, do this, do that, here’s this, and all of it is overwhelming. Your program is easier, simpler, and stress free.”

Almost every kid on the autistic spectrum has sensory issues, and they get overwhelmed. They can’t take too many words at a time, or too much to do at any one time. Or too much to understand at any one time. There is so much information thrown at them all the time. There are tests and quizzes and reviews, and grades, and scores and assessments - none of the which we do in A Pirate’s Guide. All you have them do is practice what you are learning by doing the exercises themselves.

When the mom described this to us, both Chris and I thought, wow. We feel this way a lot of the time. Many things are pulling on us, we are rushed, feeling graded and assessed and tested. If I’m honest, I would have meltdowns a lot of the time (if I’m really honest, I’ll confess that sometimes I do). There is so much to do and not enough time to do it, I feel like I am not doing a good enough job. I long for things that are simple and quiet and stress free. I can’t promise that, in using this curriculum, your student will have a stress free experience, suddenly express themselves with ease, and feel great about themselves. I can’t promise that, but the evidence is showing that it will be more stress free. It does help them express themselves with greater ease. And the ones we are hearing from are feeling better about themselves in this area.

The point I can make is this - we all want to communicate to our kids that they aren’t broken. They are not a problem. All the self hate and criticism is something I think we all wish we could magically pull out of our kids and throw a billion miles away under the sea in a galaxy super far away so it never comes back.

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Third :: Overcoming Self-Criticism

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